I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
