Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
