After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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