dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
