I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
