If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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