i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
