shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
