no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
