thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
