I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
