u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
