Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
