My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
