Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
