Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
