I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
