I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
