Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
