i already hear my dad disowning me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
