She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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