He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
