so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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