Dual....:-)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
