will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
