One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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