Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
