I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
