You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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