I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
