yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
