I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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