Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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