Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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