Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
