just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
