He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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