The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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