someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
