so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
