just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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