and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
