I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
