on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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