Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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