so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
