You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
