Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
