Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
