hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
