no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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