I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
