Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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