in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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