apparently the secret to your success is patron
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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