Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
