I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize