it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
