i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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