That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
