went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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