I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
