Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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