i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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