some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
