She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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