There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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