he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
