Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
